ZHan
2403198
Blabbering is my forte
Snapping pic is my fav
One World Sold out for Jesus

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I'm tying to think deep here -focusing-
Na.. boring.
'Man with many souls has no soul.'
I looked up. Stared deeply into the clear blue sky high up.
Oh my goodness.. God is talking chiem stuff with me.

'Man with many souls has no soul.'
Confession with mummy is bad for health.
She just killed me with my own words and murdered my pride.

'Man with many souls has no soul.'
Thinking too much and thinking deep is not the same stuff.
Scatterbrain! Tag.

'Man with many souls has no soul.'
I just have to learn not to be lazy but be driven and let hardwork be my slave driver to get me off my butt and gear on for next year's stretching. Life is not getting tougher but I am.

'Man with many souls has no soul.'
One emotion. One Life.
Safeguard it like your treasure.
Save it like your virginity.
Submit it like your last penny to God.

How many souls have you save today?
Actually I got alot of things to say. But now I just wan to cry. Maybe my tears would make me feel better and able to bridle myself for tmr.
Into the streets.



Dear God.
Thank you for the Gelyang kids. I love them, cos you first loved me and now I have to get that extravangent love out of me and into the streets. I know I have not fully experience the height, the width, the length, the depth nor the weight of your everlasting perfect love. But I know that your perfect love cast out all fears. Fear of losing. Fear of gaining even. You taught me how to receive and now you challange me to give what I treasure most - your love. Now its the next generation's time to learn how to receive what I receive. I dun wan revival just die and become lesser for the next generation. These kids have shortcomings. I too have shortcomings. That's why you are God. I love you God. This is what love is all about. Its about giving what we dun so that those who receive will have not just enough but abundantly. Excessively. I wan revival not just be caught in between the walls of my pride and selfishness but all the way out in all directions impacting the world by our small doings and big praises to your glory and honour. Although I dun have a perfect childhood enclothed with beautiful memories but the church did a great job in giving the best time to them. Creating a series of precious moments in the lives of the next generation that I hope to see them being used mightly by your hands to bring heaven to earth. Gospel to all. Am ain't young after all. It's our calling to lay down our dreams to accomplish the previous generation and the coming gerenation. Everywhere. Amen.

ZHan. You child.
Age 4-a-little-bit
I wan this Christmas to be the best one!
No time to blog so just keep things short n sweet.

I need to pray for my time to expand virtually and have to work doubly hard and faster. I got one whole christmas shopping list to manage with limited cash on hand. I got bookstore accounts to be completed by tonight. I got to plan games for Zone outing. I got to plan programme for X'mas lunch. I got to read up on wedding photography skills - I'm the camera boy. Coop's moving to the new site at the other part of the island. There's jourenl to be manufactured.

And I have one week or less to get them done. Sleeping is optional. Soaking and Quality time with God is not an option. No God. No life. As simple as that. Is that what Christmas is all about? God so love the world that He gave his only begotten Son...

I have joined the 2/3 angels to battle with the 1/3 fallen angels. Things of this world just seem so unappealing. I have tasted the real deal and I wan more. I'm an uneasily satisfied person. Have it once is not enough. I wan it again and again and again.

So many things that I got to get done. U ask me whether I'm stress? I am. But I know the solution is that these are nothing compared to what I will be receiving next time.

Dear Jesus.
Help me! I'm all yours. Use me. I'm completely clueless about everything tomorrow. Show me your path and your way. Next year is going to be soooo stress but stress is what I need in order to get my butt moving. I'm so sian if there's no stress. Seriously. But God I know u know what i can handle so yar. Just give it to me! I love u and I thank you. I wan to give my friends the best christmas this year. Blessing is going to be fun. Amen.

Your child, ZHan.
To-be-age 4

P.s. I got a new thinkpad aka laptop. He blessed me so I can bless other. I dun need it but He still give it to me. What a cool Heavenly Dad I have. Hahhaha.. His love endures forever. I just can't get enough of Him. It's Soaking Time!!!
Mr. Strawberry screams:
Evangelise now! It's soooo easy.
Pray now or never. Weeeeeeeeeeee...

I think she's dead.
Hahahhaa.. that's funny.
Its kinda of weird to know
when the chances of meeting
that someone in Singapore is absolutely zero.
Cos he/she is gone.

Perhap u are just hiding beneath my shadows.

Where are you?
Under the carpet? Under the roof? Under the sky?
Just tell me. Where are you?

Perhap u are just hiding beneath my shadows.

Maybe u are not under anything.
You are just hiding from me that's all.
But i just wan to see you. hear you. touch you. smell you. know you.

Perhap u are just hiding beneath my shadows.

What a fool I am.
I wander around looking aimlessly when what I could do was to focus
and I could see you. hear you. touch you. smell you. know you.

Abba!
I feel horrible. If its possible, take away this cup of suffering along with my weakness, but its your will that I need to go thru tribulation in order to mature den so be it. I need to learn how to speak once again. I need to learn how to communicate once again. I need to learn how to edify once again. I know I'm not good in this but I will try to change. Give me sometime. Learn with me. Be my teacher. Stay with me. I'm lost without you. Just like when you taught me how to take the first step of faith.

Walking is not the deal. Running is not the deal. Its back to crawling on all four. Face down.
Mr. Strawberry asked:
What do you wan for your future?
Dun give 'dunno' as the answer.
You know but you just deny it.
Perhaps Love. One movie that made me contemplate and buzz buzz with ideology and convictions about love. Many have their own ideas about love but love is not about ideas.

Huh? cheem man. Every movie is like another sermon. It gets me thinking after the music fades and the image swirls. Although its secular but God has alot to say about it.

Dear Lord.
Teach me. So that I can learn once again. Show me. So that I can renew my mind once again. Reveal to me. So that I can reflect on it once again. I want to change. I want to be discipline. Although I am imperfect but I want to pursue perfection. Its not easy for I'm ill-discipline. I'm easily distracted. But you are the one that I will rely on. My life. My future. My studies. My family. My everything. I will not look back but look to you.
Its been 3 years already. How much have I walk with you? I knew I fell before. I knew I rose up before. I knew I despise myself before. But you were there always there to celebrate and weep with me.
21st is coming soon. 'Aiya' no more. 'But' no more. Just do it with love, faith and hope. Most importantly - focus and fruitfulness will flow out of the abundance that will overspill for others to receive.
I'm fat. You are skinny.
I'm fat. You are skinny.
I'm fat. You are skinny.
I'm fat. You are skinny.
I'm fat. You are skinny.
.....
X'mas is coming soon. So it means 2005 is coming to an end soon. So it means 2006 is coming soon. So it means school reopen is coming soon. So it means block test is coming soon. So it means that the chain will continue to prognosticate something is coming soon.

Every year. On the 21st of Dec.
It's evaluation day. It's resolution day. It's rededication day.

Let's not question anymore. Let's talk about today.
Kite flying @ Marina. Although the environment was not conducive to any movement, We did a pretty good job in the challenging task to get the kite high up within the clouds. Attemp One: Failure. Attemp Two: the string was running out. Sense of achievement? Maybe..

Just say that life's been tight lately. It's good. It's bad. It depends.

I'm so glad that 7 more went into the water. Baptised. I wish I could do it again and again and again. Doing it once is not enough for me. Although convicted, but the excitment and the joy that comes after the dunking trills me. Re-baptism? na.. give others the chance. They have been waiting for the moment like this for a long long time. Looking @ them. I knew tomorrow's going to be another great day. I saw gold dust falling onto the surface of the pool.

Congratulation. The next 40 days is going to have a fun time with Sergent S.A. Tan. Kick him back to where he belongs. Cast him into the sulphur and burn in the steaming liquid.

Dear Lord
Thank you for their commitment. Thank you for redeeming me 3 years ago. Otherwise I would not be where i am now. Dun just pass me by still. Stay in my holy of holies. I know I have not been a good boy this year. Made a string of mistakes and refusing to acknowledge my weakness. But today I want to be my best with your support and your love. Because I know that without U, I cannot fulfill my leaders', my friends' and my destiny. Lord. Just bless my friends and my classmates. Let me be a better friend and a better classmate. I know I have not been one. Selfish and self-centered. Unwilling to reveal the real self and depriving others from enjoying the abilities and gifts that I own. I owe them that and even more for those whom I have hurted in my journey to self-destruction. Until the rod of discipline slammed me down to earth, away from the clouds of complacey and self-indulgence. Den I looked back at my footsteps, I saw not one pair but none at all. I realised that Lord u have forgiven me and covered the grievances and the sore. It's by your blood that I'm cleansed and purified. I didn't know you, but now I found you.

Your child.
ZHan. Age 3.
Mr. Strawberries says:
Eh.. pretty cool.
Real life story plot.
I'm alive!
Praise God for His mercy.

This camp ain't some sissies can survive. It takes lots of humility and discipline to stay afloat among the wreaks. We. The LTC survivors. Return to civilisation in power and strength. Away from the wilderness. Down from the Mountain.

I was not my usual self during the camp. I toned down by as much as 3000 percent if i got it right. I was just more quiet. I was just trying my best not to mediate too much on the past. I was trying to focus on God. I was just trying to listen to the still small voice. I was just trying to be a man. I was just trying to project what I want to be in the world that I live in.

Dear God,
Your child doesn't want the earthquakes nor the fire nor the wind. I just wan to hear your still small voice. I wan to leave this camp unsatisfied. I wan more. I wan to see your face. I wan to be a man.

The night before the camp. I was so afraid. I was trembling with so much fear that I might die in there. The glory of God will kill and suffocate me. It's not another camp that you get zap and hyped up for Jesus and confess the sweetest things to Him and praise Him.

It was Holocaust.

It was a concentration camp that is perfectly designed by the Potter's hands to eradicate unholiness. Unholiness. Unholiness. Unholiness.. I was afraid. Very afraid.

It was a spiritual genocide. 2 spirits can't survive in 1 body. Either one consumes the other or the opposite swallows its opposition. I was battling that the night before. I chose not to contemplate anymore. I chose peace. I chose to settle it later. I chose to die.

Death is calling its slave. Screaming. Howling. Laughing. Scoffing.
And I was still his before crawling into the caves in Mount Sina
I could feel the yoke around my neck. But I was powerless to break that. I..

To be continued..